Too many things going through my head.
Processing them one by one.
It's hard to say certain things out loud.
Why? Because feelings will get hurt.
We are always so afraid of hurting feelings that we don't say what we feel. And when the shit finally hits the fan, it'll become everybody's fault for not exposing the real problem in the first place.
Too many things that can't be told. There're no "emo-ness" or "it's complicated" involved.
In actual fact, and in all irony, it's just complicated.
Whatever problems I can solve, I'll solve it.
Whatever problems I CAN'T solve, I don't care.
"I don't care" might (or maybe WILL) sound hurtful. But in the long run, if everyone is too blind to see the problem, this is the only way to bring about some sense of peace and order to my life.
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Friday, 25 February 2011
"Nut Up or Shut Up!" VS "Speak now or forever hold your tongue"
From the title, what's the real difference? No idea.
It was like taking drugs.
What an apt analogy considering that was just being discussed earlier in the evening.
You yearn and crave for it. And when you finally get it, you get lost in the joy it brings. Time slows down and speeds up at the same time.
And well, honestly, you'll want to slow down and speed up at the same time. A real peculiar feeling. Hard to describe. Peculiar, but it's good.
But when the "high" is over, here comes the crash. It's actually a different kind of crash when compared to a sugar crash.
It felt more like a "crush". Being crushed from inside. So was it a feeling of implosion?
I don't know.
The feeling that the "weed" was the last you'll ever have, and it saddens and depresses you to think that that was the last you'll ever get. Or at least you'll never know when's the next time you're gonna have it.
What a weird analogy.. Peculiar perhaps.. But indeed, it was apt.
Saddening and depressing.
It was like taking drugs.
What an apt analogy considering that was just being discussed earlier in the evening.
You yearn and crave for it. And when you finally get it, you get lost in the joy it brings. Time slows down and speeds up at the same time.
And well, honestly, you'll want to slow down and speed up at the same time. A real peculiar feeling. Hard to describe. Peculiar, but it's good.
But when the "high" is over, here comes the crash. It's actually a different kind of crash when compared to a sugar crash.
It felt more like a "crush". Being crushed from inside. So was it a feeling of implosion?
I don't know.
The feeling that the "weed" was the last you'll ever have, and it saddens and depresses you to think that that was the last you'll ever get. Or at least you'll never know when's the next time you're gonna have it.
What a weird analogy.. Peculiar perhaps.. But indeed, it was apt.
Saddening and depressing.
Friday, 28 January 2011
Another Round of Relief and Disappointment
After the release of my results, it was another round of relief. I sound as though I'm expecting to pass everything. But in a way, I am. It's bad though. Because every semester I would think that at the end of the day, I'm just gonna pass everything. I'll especially think that way when for 5 tutorials in a row, I can't solve any questions.
Doing my internship at a consultancy firm now. The ups and downs. As opposed to a contractor firm, I don't have to be in the work site much. But then as a consultant engineer, I have to use a lot of brains.
Trust me, a simple issue like how to divert a drain from point A to point B can give so many people so much headache. And oh the headache. The intensity of it.
Such a small drain is giving me so much headache, and now my boss wants me to help in designing the temporary canal diversion.
Wanted to take a picture of my work desk. But I was too busy to do so. Shall do it next Thursday. Then people will know how busy I truly am.
Thank goodness my boss is so nice as to let me not work this coming Saturday. And next Saturday too. And next Wednesday too.
Company's annual dinner is next Tuesday though. Hope there aren't too much drinking involved. Hate to make a fool out of myself by getting drunk.
While walking over to the work site, Joel and I passed by a newspaper stand. We saw The New Paper. Guess who did we see on the frontpage. Ris Fucking Low. What the hell?
Our first reaction was: "Goodness, what is she up to again?"
Whoever was in charge of organising beauty pageants in Singapore has been sacked, and a new firm was chosen. Well, finally I guess. Past few years there wasn't a single decent Miss Singapore.
The owner of Miss World pageant even said that it should not be just about women parading around in swim suits and pretty faces.
Oh please. She's an idiot. She herself falls into that category. Not the beauty part of course, definitely the "No Brains" department.
How many of those successful and smart women are going to parade around in front of the whole world in bikini? Paris Hilton isn't successful, her daddy is. Note the difference please.
So what's really left are those half-a-brain gals who think they're smart and ends up behaving like a bimbo.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
*chuckles*
Doing my internship at a consultancy firm now. The ups and downs. As opposed to a contractor firm, I don't have to be in the work site much. But then as a consultant engineer, I have to use a lot of brains.
Trust me, a simple issue like how to divert a drain from point A to point B can give so many people so much headache. And oh the headache. The intensity of it.
Such a small drain is giving me so much headache, and now my boss wants me to help in designing the temporary canal diversion.
Wanted to take a picture of my work desk. But I was too busy to do so. Shall do it next Thursday. Then people will know how busy I truly am.
Thank goodness my boss is so nice as to let me not work this coming Saturday. And next Saturday too. And next Wednesday too.
Company's annual dinner is next Tuesday though. Hope there aren't too much drinking involved. Hate to make a fool out of myself by getting drunk.
While walking over to the work site, Joel and I passed by a newspaper stand. We saw The New Paper. Guess who did we see on the frontpage. Ris Fucking Low. What the hell?
Our first reaction was: "Goodness, what is she up to again?"
Whoever was in charge of organising beauty pageants in Singapore has been sacked, and a new firm was chosen. Well, finally I guess. Past few years there wasn't a single decent Miss Singapore.
The owner of Miss World pageant even said that it should not be just about women parading around in swim suits and pretty faces.
Oh please. She's an idiot. She herself falls into that category. Not the beauty part of course, definitely the "No Brains" department.
How many of those successful and smart women are going to parade around in front of the whole world in bikini? Paris Hilton isn't successful, her daddy is. Note the difference please.
So what's really left are those half-a-brain gals who think they're smart and ends up behaving like a bimbo.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
*chuckles*
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
2010
I can't really remember much of 2010. Well the things that do remember, most of them I like to keep them to myself. At least for the moment.
However, the most important day of 2010 is 25th Nov, when I received the news that my granfather passed away. It was a mad rush of getting either my new passport or urgent travel docs from the embassy. In the end I got my new passport as both options needed the same amount of time.
My grandfather's death affected me more than I knew. I always thought that my relatives being so far away, and me having so little time to interact with them wouldnt cause me to feel that much pain. I was wrong. I lost too much sleep.
The trip back to Taiwan was spent entirely on the funeral. Even though I brought along my notes to study for my exams which was just a week away. I was just flipping through the notes. Staring at the words and not absorbing anything.
There were so many firsts, and at the same time so many lasts. And sadly, many more in between that will never be realised.
At the end of the day, all I've got now are memories and nothing more. I remember tearing uncontrollably during my first paper. An invigilator came over and asked if I was OK.
"Don't worry, the paper isn't that tough. You've still got time to think through the questions."
Thanks.
Evon was around throughout the whole time. From sending me off, to picking me up at the airport, and much much more. Thanks baby.
Am I through with the grieving process? I'm not sure. Maybe i'm 80% to 90% through. But I'm never sure.
I can only pray that I'm able to pass all my modules. I haven't got the interest, nor the mood to do my revisions properly.
New Years Eve was fun.
checked in to MBS. 41st floor city facing room. SHIOK!
after getting the keys to the room with baby, I wanted to get a bellboy and send our bags up. So i grabbed hold of the first MBS staff I came across.
A duty manager.
he took a look at my keycard and said, "Oh you're the honeymoon couple checking into the honeymoon suite! No worries, I'll get someone to send your bags up right away!"
LOL. just because a guy and a girl checked into a room that's been designated as the "honeymoon suite", you have to assume it's a "honeymoon couple"?
actually we were there with a whole bunch of friends. that made things a lot more fun. especially at night. when the drinking starts. and the drinking started the moment we checked into our rooms.
by the time it was nearing midnight, I was a little groggy and a little too much alcohol in my bloodstream.
complimentary tickets to MBS rooftop party with free flow of champagne.
free flow of champagne. heh. so we downed those champagne as if they were shots.
bad idea. monica suggested it. we took around 5 glasses of champagne each. on average. the first glass was nicely sipped into the stomach. next four was unceremoniously dumped into our bloodstream.
it was an ugly sight to be seen doing "shots" of champagne.
went back down to the room for more red wine, white wine, beer. played stupid games that required drinking as punishments.
it was an even uglier sight later in the wee hours of the morning when i hugged the toilet bowl and threw up.
had a hangover that lasted a good whole day.
4.30am in the morning, i leaned over to Evon and said, "My new year resolution for 2011. Not to drink this much anymore."
I know it sounds disgusting, but i can smell the friggin alcohol from my pee.
pictures soon..
However, the most important day of 2010 is 25th Nov, when I received the news that my granfather passed away. It was a mad rush of getting either my new passport or urgent travel docs from the embassy. In the end I got my new passport as both options needed the same amount of time.
My grandfather's death affected me more than I knew. I always thought that my relatives being so far away, and me having so little time to interact with them wouldnt cause me to feel that much pain. I was wrong. I lost too much sleep.
The trip back to Taiwan was spent entirely on the funeral. Even though I brought along my notes to study for my exams which was just a week away. I was just flipping through the notes. Staring at the words and not absorbing anything.
There were so many firsts, and at the same time so many lasts. And sadly, many more in between that will never be realised.
At the end of the day, all I've got now are memories and nothing more. I remember tearing uncontrollably during my first paper. An invigilator came over and asked if I was OK.
"Don't worry, the paper isn't that tough. You've still got time to think through the questions."
Thanks.
Evon was around throughout the whole time. From sending me off, to picking me up at the airport, and much much more. Thanks baby.
Am I through with the grieving process? I'm not sure. Maybe i'm 80% to 90% through. But I'm never sure.
I can only pray that I'm able to pass all my modules. I haven't got the interest, nor the mood to do my revisions properly.
New Years Eve was fun.
checked in to MBS. 41st floor city facing room. SHIOK!
after getting the keys to the room with baby, I wanted to get a bellboy and send our bags up. So i grabbed hold of the first MBS staff I came across.
A duty manager.
he took a look at my keycard and said, "Oh you're the honeymoon couple checking into the honeymoon suite! No worries, I'll get someone to send your bags up right away!"
LOL. just because a guy and a girl checked into a room that's been designated as the "honeymoon suite", you have to assume it's a "honeymoon couple"?
actually we were there with a whole bunch of friends. that made things a lot more fun. especially at night. when the drinking starts. and the drinking started the moment we checked into our rooms.
by the time it was nearing midnight, I was a little groggy and a little too much alcohol in my bloodstream.
complimentary tickets to MBS rooftop party with free flow of champagne.
free flow of champagne. heh. so we downed those champagne as if they were shots.
bad idea. monica suggested it. we took around 5 glasses of champagne each. on average. the first glass was nicely sipped into the stomach. next four was unceremoniously dumped into our bloodstream.
it was an ugly sight to be seen doing "shots" of champagne.
went back down to the room for more red wine, white wine, beer. played stupid games that required drinking as punishments.
it was an even uglier sight later in the wee hours of the morning when i hugged the toilet bowl and threw up.
had a hangover that lasted a good whole day.
4.30am in the morning, i leaned over to Evon and said, "My new year resolution for 2011. Not to drink this much anymore."
I know it sounds disgusting, but i can smell the friggin alcohol from my pee.
pictures soon..
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Never-Ending Work
As the title suggested.
So right now I have to rush through my EN105A report for my MiE project. A little bit of my fault as I kinda procrastinated.
But then again it's also the fault of the two tests I had today and was busy preparing.
Spent so much time preparing and the outcome is that I'm screwed.
Foundation Engineering:
I studied all the formula and how to tackle all forms of calculations. I was near invincible.
Kryptonite? All question came out was concept and theory-based. That's pretty @#$%-ed up.
Mental Health in Singapore:
Tested concepts that weren't even in the notes in the first place.
I got FUBAR-ed
Collecting my Nike Race pack tomorrow.
So right now I have to rush through my EN105A report for my MiE project. A little bit of my fault as I kinda procrastinated.
But then again it's also the fault of the two tests I had today and was busy preparing.
Spent so much time preparing and the outcome is that I'm screwed.
Foundation Engineering:
I studied all the formula and how to tackle all forms of calculations. I was near invincible.
Kryptonite? All question came out was concept and theory-based. That's pretty @#$%-ed up.
Mental Health in Singapore:
Tested concepts that weren't even in the notes in the first place.
I got FUBAR-ed
Collecting my Nike Race pack tomorrow.
Assumptions?
According to Sherlock Holmes,
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
So if I followed this logic, does that mean I'm not making any form of assumptions?
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
So if I followed this logic, does that mean I'm not making any form of assumptions?
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